Paused momentarily when a 5.something or other earthquake, originating from the Bush fault line, rocked Virginia.
Virginia residents are in disbelief when TV news cameras broadcast live feeds of earthquake victims in New York.
Sources say that VP Biden was too far out of the country for the earthquake and aftershocks to have been caused by his infamous "Pull my finger" joke.
White House aides say the earthquake wasn't the type of stimulus the President was looking for.
Some experts claim that the earth self corrected and shifted to the right on its axis.
First Lady Michelle Obama, after years of excuses, is still waiting for the President to rock her world in a similar fashion.
The American people are bracing themselves for yet another reason why the economy is in shambles.
DHS denies any claims that a mass migration from Mexico is the cause of the aftershocks.
The Black Caucus has not yet made a statement as to how many Tea Partiers went to hell in the aftermath of the quake.
My dearest sympathies go out to the victims of these jokes.
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